alone again

alone again

i reach for you in the darkness,

desperate to feel you near.

then the truth crashes in,

and i realize

i’m alone again

because of me.

it always ends this way.

i push and pull,

ruin everything

just trying to hold on

a little tighter,

but all i find

is emptiness

where you should be.

i tried so hard

to match your version of “okay,”

to act normal,

to quiet the chaos in my head.

every unread message,

every misunderstanding,

cracked me open wider.

panic. grief. rage.

all tangled,

swallowing me whole.

so i lashed out,

hoping you would see

how much i needed you,

but you didn’t.

so i left before you could leave me,

tearing us apart

with my own hands.

i waited to see

if i was worth reconciliation,

but you let me hang there

in the silence,

and my nightmares became real.

maybe i am too much.

but you hurt me,

and i let it flood us both,

just trying to be seen.

i wish i could take it all back.

i wish my words

had never become the things

that pushed you further away.

i wish you knew

how every emotion in me

still burns,

but you never will.

and then that truth sinks in,

and there is only emptiness left.

i wonder if everyone who gets close

will always find a reason to run.

i don’t know,

maybe it’s deserved.